Battling severe depressive episodes is never an easy task. While each episode may vary in duration and severity, one thing is for certain, your spouse will be left physically and psychologically drained and so will you, especially if you’ve been through a number of those episodes with your spouse. You’re caught between a psychological and emotional rock and a hard place. You love your spouse but you’re at your wit’s end because you don’t know what to do for your spouse or yourself. As a result you may be seriously thinking about a separation or divorce.

There is no doubt that depression, especially clinical depression, can destroy a marital relationship. The depressed spouse begins to physically and emotionally pull away leaving the other spouse confused, angry, afraid, and alone. The spouse who is not depressed may soon begin to feel separated from the others affections and perhaps insist that the depressed spouse just “snap out of it ” thereby intensifying the depression. As a result the gap between the spouses grows wider eventually ending the relationship.
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That was just one example. There are many more but they virtually all lead to the same outcome. My second marriage ended primarily because of my depression. However, the good news is that yours does not have to. Many spouses take the time to learn what is necessary to get through the depressive episodes and overcome the symptoms of depression so they can rebuild their marital relationship. You can too.

Here are 7 sure fire approaches for you to help your depressed spouse:

1. Learn about clinical depression – There are different types of depression. In order for you to help and support your spouse to the best of your ability you need to learn and be aware of the signs and symptoms of clinical depression also known as major depressive disorder which is the severest kind of depression. Some of the symptoms include feelings of sadness or unhappiness, irritability or frustration even over small issues, loss of interest or pleasure in normal activities, crying spells for no apparent reason, and frequent thoughts of death, dying or suicide.

2. Encourage treatment – If your spouse has not yet been diagnosed as being clinically depressed but shows any of the symptoms you need to gently but firmly encourage your spouse to seek treatment. Then set up an appointment for you and your spouse to talk with your doctor. If you have a husband presenting signs of clinical depression, you might have to be a bit more firm with him because many men believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness. He may resist at first, but it is important to let him know that the only way he is going to get better is by getting treatment and continuing with it.

3. Be supportive, not enabling – By all means make suggestions, offer encouragement, and give praise to your spouse whenever necessary but never do a task that needs to be done by your spouse in order for him/her to start feeling better. One thing that both of you certainly do not need is for your spouse to become dependent on you to do what he/she needs to do. For example, if you’ve both made it a goal for your spouse to get out of bed every morning and eat breakfast at the kitchen table, do not bring the breakfast to your spouse in bed. That would defeat the entire purpose of treatment. The only way anyone who is clinically depressed can ever begin to overcome their symptoms is if they are proactive.

4. Suggest a support group – A meaningful way for you to help your spouse, during what often turns out to be a very tumultuous time, is for you to suggest that your spouse join a support group. People who are clinically depressed usually feel alone and isolated. Meeting others with the same mood disorder or other emotional issues typically relieves that feeling of loneliness and isolation. Sharing feelings and experiences plus making connections will usually make a person feel better about life in general.

5. Begin walking with your spouse – There are many physical and psychological benefits associated with walking. Just 10 minutes of brisk walking a day will do wonders for your spouse’s mood as well as yours. Walking actually increases the level of serotonin (a neurotransmitter regulating the feeling of happiness in the brain) enabling us to feel better. Walking is also a wonderful way to show your support. Remember however, there is a pretty good chance that initially your spouse will not want to walk. If so, that’s fine. Just be encouraging and offer to go for a walk again after several days.

6. Be patient – I know that this can be easier said than done. Try to remember that your spouse is behaving eccentrically because of the depression. If you are still having a hard time remember why you fell in love with your spouse to begin with. Also remember why you got married. The spouse you fell in love with and married is undoubtedly still there but the depression is masking the real personality.
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7. Take care of yourself – I could not begin to tell you how many forum posts I’ve read where the spouse who is not depressed simply burns out, becomes incensed, and is ready to call it quits. As the “healthy” spouse you absolutely have to take care of yourself. If your spouse has upset you, you need to let him/her know. There is a way to express your feelings by being tactful and still getting your point across. Do not let your feelings build up inside of you. That could, and very often does, lead to adversity. Maintain your own life. Continue to keep your own appointments and see your friends. Nurture yourself by eating right and exercising. I highly recommend joining a support group for yourself and if you need to, by all means see a counselor or therapist as well.

If you need to review these steps again please do so and then begin to implement them as soon as possible. In point of fact, the more you deal with your spouse’s depression together as a team, the more likely you are not only going to remain together with your spouse but the more likely you’ll strengthen your marital bond as well.

Dave Kanofsky is a proud affiliate with Wealth Creations Network, your zero out of pocket way to creating wealth. Dave Kanofsky is also passionate about helping people who have depression to overcome their symptoms and to create wealth for themselves. So what are you waiting for? Sign up now and start to make money online.

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I had been fighting a daily conflict with clinical depression for years. There was a time when I thought I would never be rid of the daily battle. But thanks to the good Lord, years of therapy, learned coping skills, and just the right medicine, I became essentially symptom free in 2007.

If you’re currently combating depression, especially clinical depression, you have enough on your plate right now. But something else happened to me during my time combating depression that I would not want to happen to you. So this article is really a heads up.

During the winter of 1991 my clinical depression became so bad, I voluntarily committed myself into a mental health facility. In a nutshell, the program was excellent and the staff really cared about me. I came out of that facility feeling really good about myself. The following year my wife and I agreed that I would go back to graduate school full time for a second masters degree. This time I would major in a field that I was interested in. The idea was to keep my mind busy with something I’d enjoy doing in order to keep my depressive episodes to a minimum. It worked. When I went to school from 1993 to 1998, the frequency and intensity of my depression subsided considerably.

At this point allow me to qualify. There was one thought distortion that I carried around in my head for 50 years and it came from being physically and emotionally abused as a child. The circumstances that had created the distortion were so psychologically damaging and it was so impervious to therapy that it took until 2009 to rid myself of it completely. It’s called all or nothing thinking and in my mind worked like this,” If you pay attention to me and treat me kindly in word or deed then I’m a likeable/ loveable person, if you don’t then I’m not,” I literally became dependent on others to feel good about myself. No pressure there, right? Further, although my wife was a wonderful, loving person, she also became my enabler. She would do for me, what I should have done for myself. Not a good situation, especially since I really needed to be more independent so I could fight my depression.

This backward self perception together with being enabled created a psychologically damaging personality within me that lasted for six years (1992-1998). I learned to play the role of being a victim to my clinical depression and here are the 7 associated consequences:

1. Self centeredness- I became the center of my own little universe by continuously talking about my depression with just about anyone whether it be family member, relative or stranger. You see that way people, especially my family and friends, would feel sorry for me and then I would know just how loveable I was. This became very old very fast. I lost some dear friends and really became a bore.

2. Dependent on spouse – I already said that my wife was an enabler. She did a lot of things for me that I should have done for myself whether I was depressed or not. Not only did I learn to “live with it” when I was depressed but learned to love it when I wasn’t. I believed that the more she did for me, the more she loved me.

3. Heightened sense of entitlement – I came to believe that I deserved to be treated kindly in every circumstance and situation. The problem here is that in the real world people have their own problems and issues and act accordingly even if it means being rude.

4. Developed dysfunctional coping mechanisms – If I thought that people were not friendly to me, then I wasn’t friendly to them, with a vengeance, I might add. I would react by lying, with anger, or by using emotional guilt trips. Once while driving, a guy cut me off in traffic. How dare he, I should be treated better than that, I thought. I wound up chasing him at a very high speed until he pulled into a gas station. I got out of my car and started to approach him. It was by the grace of God that I stopped and went back to my car. Fortunately for me no one was hurt and I didn’t wind up in jail.

5. Blamed everyone else for my problems – I went after that guy who cut me off because it was his fault. After all, what right did he have to cut me off? I lied to my wife by promising I would attend a social event with her and then I didn’t because she pressured me into going.

6. Master manipulator – Many times, I would manipulate people’s emotions so they would feel sorry for me by pretending to be depressed. I used my clinical depression as an excuse so I could feel like I was loved.

7. Totally undependable- When I started school, my life consisted predominately of studying and attending class. For the most part my wife and relatives could not depend on me for much of anything. I was truly in my own little world.

When my wife died unexpectedly in 1998, that was the beginning of the end to my “Mr. Hyde” personality. Now I needed to do for myself. I couldn’t finish school and I had to go back to work. It was very hard at first, but thanks to grief counseling, a grief support group, and my therapy sessions, I was finally able to rid myself of playing the victim to my clinical depression.

Please don’t get the wrong idea here. I am not saying that if you have depression this will happen to you. Just be aware. So please, check the consequences above again. Are you experiencing any of them ? If so, talk to your therapist. Make sure you discuss any pervasive thoughts and feelings you have with your therapist as well. Finally, remember that enabling is not supporting. To get better you really need to be productive and do things for yourself.

Dave Kanofsky is a proud affiliate with Wealth Creations Network, your zero out of pocket way to creating wealth. Dave Kanofsky is also passionate about helping people who have depression to overcome their symptoms and to create wealth for themselves. So what are you waiting for? Sign up now and start to make money online.

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